By Joey & Carla Link
January 8, 2020
Are Your Kids Givers or Takers?
By Joey & Carla Link
- Is he willing to let one of his siblings sit in the seat in the car closest to the front, or does he think because he always gets there first or because he is the oldest it is his?
- Is he willing to let one of his siblings have a bigger or better piece of dessert or is it always, “That’s not fair! I never get the biggest piece!”
- Was he willing to share his/her toys or did he keep them to himself, yet expected his siblings to share theirs with him?
- How well do your kids understand the sacrifice it was for God to allow His son to leave heaven and go live on earth for 33 years? How would they like to go live with someone else for a year? It’s because of that gift God gave us in Jesus Christ, that we choose to give something that would please or bring pleasure to others.
- Helping your kids understand this concept and actually apply it will take more than one conversation. You will ask them why they chose to get that gift over something else that is more expensive, but their sibling really wants. It’s finding out what was the motivation of their heart regarding what they gave and whythey gave it.
- Ask him if he thinks he is characterized by a heart of giving or one of getting.
- Ask him to give you a situation that happened that week of each.
- Ask him why he chooses to give.
- Ask him why he chooses to take or get.
- Ask him to come up with a way he could have handled each “getting” situations you jotted down as a giver.
- Ask him if he is willing to work on his selfishness. If so, have him come up with one way he will work on it that next week.
- At the end of the week get together with him again and grade him on how you think he did and have him grade himself too.
- Encourage him if he has done well, and if not, ask him how he intends to improve that grade the next week.
- Keep it up until it becomes an ingrained habit to think as a “giver” instead of a “taker”.
- Remember your goal is to root out self-focused attitude and not just cut off the top of where this selfish weed comes from.
What’s Wrong With This Picture?
By Joey & Carla Link
- When you go shopping, do your kids move out of the way of other adults, small children, disabled and elderly people when going through a doorway or do they rush to get there first and don’t bother to hold the doors open for them?
- Do they speak to older people kindly at church, or do they ignore them?
- Do they speak kindly to other kids when playing or do they have to have their own way, especially when the kids are siblings or younger kids?
- Do they have an attitude when you ask them to do something?
- Do they stop saying “Yes Mom” when you call their name? While this may not seem like a big deal, did you give them the freedom to stop saying it?
- Do they say “please” and “thank you” without being prompted by you?
- Do they gladly share their things or is generosity a foreign concept to them?
- Do they treat you like a peer telling you what they are doing or do they ask you for permission first?
- Are they more focused on themselves or about the needs and wants of others?
- When playing games or sports do they play their way or go by the rules?
- Are they experts at controlling others with their roller-coaster emotions?
Mom and Dad need to have the same standard of what is right and wrong.
- Do you and your spouse agree on the standards you are raising your kids by?
- Are your standards Biblical and practical?
Parents must recognize when their kids are being self-focused and disrespectful.
- Do you see it?
- Are you open to your spouse or others showing you when your kids are violating your standards? Ask your friends to point a specific behavior out to you when your kids do it.
Parents need to have a plan other than lecturing and reminding when standards are violated.
- Most parents don’t have a plan on what to do so they react when their kids’ behavior is disrespectful to them and others instead of proactively dealing with it/them.
- With your spouse, choose 2-3 typical behavior violations and develop a plan for what you will do next time they come up.
Be willing to act no matter what the cost to you or your child’s reputation.
- Their life-long character is more important than their child/teen friends.
- Be willing to accept a little embarrassment and deal with your child. In the long run, others will appreciate and respect you for it.
Getting Your Kids Back in Line
Joey & Carla Link
December 4, 2019