Joey and Carla Link
May 7, 2025
I will never forget the time I told Amy, our easy and compliant child to clean the Barbie doll mess off the floor of her bedroom. 30 minutes later I went to see what was taking her so long only to find her dressing all her Barbies for church! This daughter of ours has the Sanguine temperament. Sanguines are easily distracted and have trouble following through on what they are told to do, which is the reason you need to check on them to see that they have finished their tasks and chores. Kids with Sanguine as their primary temperament are quietly rebellious.
What is “quiet” rebellion? Rebellion is defined as “the action and/or attitude of resisting authority or the control someone has over you; resistance to an established rule.” Rebellion is shown in 2 ways. There is the angry in-your-face defiant rebellion that no parent can miss. The 2nd form of rebellion is passive, or quiet rebellion. Pouting, sulking, deep sighs, and ignoring you are all ways this form of rebellion is shown.
The most frequent responses your quietly rebellious child will give you when you go to find out why he/she didn’t do something they were told to do are “I forgot”, “I don’t remember”, “maybe”, or our daughter’s favorite when we asked her if the job was completed, “I’ll go check”.
We all like to think we have smart, talented kids. So, why can’t they “remember” to go clean their room when you tell them to? This is one of the reasons why in the obedience training we recommend, your child needs to do what you tell him/her to do immediately. If your child is characterized by saying any of the above phrases, he/she had no intention of doing the chore/homework. They just hope you won’t find out it wasn’t done.
When your child has no intention of doing something he was told to do and he/she responds with phrases like we shared above, he is deceiving you, which is a form of lying. Do you see why this is just as powerful a form of rebelling against your authority as angry defiance is? The root is the same for both, they don’t want anyone telling them what to do or making choices for them.
So, what can you do about your “easy” child? This child is harder to parent, as you have to be a detective to track them down when they aren’t being obedient. We would tell our daughter to come find one of us and let us know when she was finished with her task so we could check her work and make sure she had done it completely. I (Carla) would set the timer for the amount of time I thought it should take her to get the job done, whether it was schoolwork or chores, and if she hadn’t come to find me when it went off, I would go find her.
When this child “forgets”, and “doesn’t remember”:
Quietly keep track of how many times over 3 days your quietly defiant child says “I forgot”, “I don’t remember”, “Maybe”, or something along these lines. If it is more than 1x per day, you are dealing with a quietly defiant rebellious child. Please remember, this child is choosing to forget and choosing not to remember, both of which are lies because he didn’t forget and he does remember.
When you get these responses from your child, resist the urge to remind him/her. He doesn’t need to be reminded to do something he knows he is to do and doesn’t intend to do it. Deal with these as you would other lies this child tells. When he apologizes, please make sure he tells you how he is going to make the lie right.
We have just scratched the surface of dealing with a passive, quietly rebellious child. If your kids are working on obeying immediately, completely, without arguing and without complaining (we have often shared this is what obedience training looks like), they will do what you say, when you say it, how you have told them it needs to be done without arguing or deceiving you. If your kids are constantly defying you, we urge you to step up their obedience training.
“To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.”
1 Samuel 15:22-23
“Focusing and Concentrating Skills for Children”– The ability to focus and concentrate, is that a skill or moral behavior? If your child is easily distracted, doesn’t ‘remember’ what he is asked to do, and has trouble staying on task, then this presentation is for you! Practical ways to work with this child are discussed.
“Working with Your Child’s Besetting Sin”, ‘Pt. 2 – The Phlegmatic – Dealing with the Child Who is Stubborn and Unmotivated and The Sanguine – Working with the Child Who Lies’ – A “besetting sin” is one that besets you, or stays with you for a very long time. For those with the Sanguine temperament, it is lying. Lying can take on several different forms, such as deceiving, exaggeration, telling partial truths and more. This session discusses these to help you work with your happy child who has trouble following through on commitments. To learn more about how to work with your child who lies check back next week!
| Parenting Made Practical Podcasts #6 “My Child Just Lied to Me, What Do I Do?” – Lying to a parent is one of the worst things kids can do because it breaks down your trust in them. This episode shares 5 ways kids lie that parents don’t typically see as lying. Learn how to drive lying out of your child’s heart. #43 “Training An Unteachable Child” – Every child goes through frustrating phases of training where they are not teachable. Be encouraged with fresh ideas on how to work with your child to open his/her heart and mind to your instruction once again. |
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