Joey & Carla Link
August 27, 2025
Your kids are being responsible with the stuff they have to get done and you are quite pleased your home is peaceful at last. Your kids, will start to back off just a little, and if you don’t do anything to stop them, they back off more and more. You would think they like the perks of being responsible and having happy parents as a result, but they find little ways to do things their way instead of your way. If you aren’t paying attention, or let them off the hook with a reminder here and a reminder there, they will back off a bit more. More reminders and when it happens again, a lecture is often thrown in for good measure.
When this happened in our home, we called it the 3 week slide. Our kids would pull it together when we were consistently working on things with them. When we backed the pressure off, so did they, and after 3 weeks, they were almost back to where we started from. For a long time, we didn’t understand why they weren’t keeping it together. After many reminders and lectures from us, there was still no improvement, and it would take serious effort to get them back to the standard.
We already mentioned the ultimate problem. “Our kids would pull it together when we were consistently working on things with them.” Do you ever feel this way? I (Carla) remember telling Joey something similar about our kids, saying “We need to go back to getting first-time obedience from the kids.” After hearing this from me many, many times, he asked me why and how we kept losing it. That conversation changed the way we parented.
Parents aren’t consistent for a number of reasons. Busyness, not knowing how to handle a situation with the kids, being stretched too thin or the phone becoming too much of a distraction (the parents using the phone) are reasons why being consistent is so hard. You don’t care for your kids’ out-of-control attitude and behavior, so you are back to training and teaching them again.
We have talked about how to work with your kids before, but it is worth going over again. Both parents need to come up with one issue/behavior they are going to work on for each child. Start with obedience. Remember, I would say to Joey,“We need to go back to getting first-time obedience from the kids.” How often do your kids do what you tell them to do immediately, completely, without arguing and without complaining (whining)? Give them a grade for each one and if it is lower than an “A”, work on it.
Remember to work on one behavioral issue at a time. And while it is necessary to deal with kids/teens who aren’t doing their daily chores or are doing it haphazardly, always defer to the character issue when you decide to work on it. Your son doesn’t make his bed or take out the trash unless you remind him again and again? Work on being “responsible”. Your teen daughter always takes too much time in the bathroom in the morning, making her siblings late? Work on putting her siblings first.
Explain what the moral character value you are going to work on with your child is, and share why we all need to use it. Ask your child how he/she can put it into practice. Encourage him/her when he does. Remind them one time when they don’t. Give them a consequence if they do it again.
Now I know doing this all day long, times each child/teen you have gets complicated, tedious and takes all your time. What else should be taking your time when you are in the season of parenting? Give it your best and expect their best in return. That’s God’s way of living.
“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”
Colossians 3:17
Have you listened to these Mom’s Notes presentations?
Understanding Character Training, Part 1 of 2 – “Laying the Foundation”
Understanding Character Training, Part 2 of 2 – “Getting to the Heart of your Child”
“How do I know I have gotten to the heart of my child?” is a frequent question asked us by parents. This 2-part series lays the foundation for understanding what character training is and how Godly character is developed in your children.
Part 1 –“Laying the Foundation”
Part 2 – “Getting to the Heart of Your Child”
Fighting the Consistency Battle
Consistency. Why is something so necessary in both parents and kids so hard? Learn 10 reasons why parents are not consistent in parenting their kids and 7 reasons consistent parents are. Discover your tendencies and how you can become a consistent parent.
#24 Building Character in Your Kids
#42 Balancing Life and Parenting
Click the title or search Parenting Made Practical in your favorite podcast app to listen!