Joey & Carla Link
February 18, 2026
Joey and I have been married over 40 years. That is a long time and does indicate we are no longer young or middle-aged adults! In the last post, we talked about ways to destroy your marriage relationship. In this post we are going to talk about the good habits you can get into to build a strong and vibrant marriage.
1. Emphasize the good things. You may be concentrating so much on what your spouse is not that you become blind to some of the fine things that make him/her what he is. Recently a wife came to me very distraught over her marriage relationship. As she was describing her feelings, the picture that came to my mind was that of her husband in a crowd of people that were enjoying being with him. I mentioned this to her and she immediately responded that he was a lot of fun, had a great sense of humor, and was generous. Often our perspective can change when we take our focus off the negative and put it on the positive.
2. An old saying goes, “Do not remove a fly from your friend’s forehead with a hatchet.” When someone focuses on what to you seems to be no big deal, it is frustrating, especially when it is done in front of others. You may have said something that was insensitive, and although you apologized for it, he/she won’t let it go and their actions and attitude show it.
3. Another old saying goes, “A real friend is a person who, when you’ve made a fool of yourself, lets you forget it!” If you want your spouse to consider you his/her friend, don’t rub their mistakes in their faces and don’t tell him/her how to fix them. When you need to talk with your spouse about something you know he isn’t going to want to hear, ask yourself first, does he need to hear this? Is there a better time or way I could approach him with this?” “Convince, rebuke, and encourage with the utmost patience…” (2 Timothy 4:2)
4. Be an encourager. There are times you are going to have to say negative things to your spouse for whatever reason. Your spouse will handle the negative when it is balanced with encouragement. When your spouse gets overwhelmed with their faults, as you or others perceive them, it is easy to lose their confidence in their strengths.
Charlie Shedd, in his book Letters to Karen says, “Tell your husband he is wonderful. You can only tell him he isn’t wonderful where he isn’t if you have already told him he is wonderful where he is!” Take the time to notice the good things your spouse does for you and others and tell him/her so. “Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others.” (Philippians 4:8)
5. Make time for your spouse. Co-authors Cay Bolin and Cindy Trent in their book, “How to be your Husband’s Best Friend” have this to say about busyness. “There are many demands on our time, children, housework, community and church involvement, and so on. Do we have anything left for our husbands? So often we think they will understand. But our husbands need to know they are special to us. Often, I just need to be reminded to refocus on my husband. It seems that the ones closest to us suffer the most from our busyness. Busyness takes more than it gives.”
Joey has, at times, reminded me over the years of our marriage that he doesn’t feel that his needs have priority in my life. I used to think he was selfish when he said this. In the early years of our marriage and then again when our children joined our family, I didn’t understand that his needs were my first and foremost priority. Yet, when his needs are met, he fulfills his tasks and responsibilities better with more confidence, energy and enthusiasm. What about your needs, you may ask? I have learned that when his needs are met, and when he feels he has priority in my life, he willingly and without reminding takes care of my needs.
Avoiding the habits that kill marriages and embracing these good habits will help you build a strong marriage that lasts the test of time.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Have you listened to these Mom’s Notes presentations?
“Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend?” – Should your spouse be your best friend? We think so. This presentation shares ten ways to assist you in building a positive friendship relationship with your spouse and learn how not to build a negative one. We only shared 5 of the 10 top marriage builders today. You can find the other 5 in this Mom’s Notes presentation.
“Ten Ways to Fight Fair with Your Spouse” – Conflict is normal and to be expected in a marriage relationship. While it cannot be avoided, there are ways to handle it appropriately. This presentation discusses ten ways to fight fair with your spouse.
Use code FEB22 at checkout by 2/22/26 for $1 off each MP3 & PDF
Parenting Made Practical Podcasts
#54 Making Your Spouse Your Best Friend – We say love is the glue to hold a marriage together. Discover the undergirding foundation that every relationship needs to make you best friends to work together to raise kids.
Click the title or search Parenting Made Practical in your favorite
podcast app to listen!