Lois Wilkinson
July 24, 2024
Does your family function in ways that bring unity? One of the Mom’s Notes presentations that sticks out to me the most is “Building Family Identity“. Reflecting back on what we did with our adult kids, we now enjoy the sweet fruit from our parenting efforts. Being intentional over the years helped our family in 3 specific ways–it brought unity, gave a sense of belonging, and our kids grew in confidence because of the things we did as a family.
Often, we reminded our kids that they were Wilkinsons. We were a distinct unit, different than any other family. This concept unified us. In the Growing Kids God’s Way parenting class, we are encouraged to work on building an interdependent family, meaning we depended on each other for strength, support and encouragement. The 5 of us were a family, and we stood together. Some of the things that brought us together were regularly attending church together, praying for and supporting missionaries, serving together, weekly family nights, vacations, and family dinners (each of our kids have emphasized to us the impact of eating meals together). All three knew they were part of something bigger than themselves. When I told our kids I was working on this blog, Elizabeth (28) said, “Family identity helped put into perspective that we represented more than ourselves, we represented our family!” When they went out in public, they understood their words and actions also represented us as a family. As they grew and matured, this family identity also included representing God’s family.
A second way a strong family identity helped our kids was it gave them a sense of belonging. Everyone is searching for a place to fit in and feel wanted. Along the way, we showed our kids that they were each a valuable member of our family. We supported one another by attending piano recitals, baseball games, track meets and school plays. Every individual also had a voice to share their feelings and knew they would be heard and accepted. When you find a place you belong, it builds a strong commitment to each other. In the Growing Kids God’s Way parenting class we are told that friendship is the relational goal of parenting. We sure love this phase of parenting with our adult kids! Rachel (30) shared, “Family identity built and maintained friendship between all of us–parents and sibs–y’all are truly my best friends!” Throughout our kids’ lives, we reminded them that they were each other’s best friends. What a joy it is to hear them declare it!
Our son, Will (26), summarized the third way our family identity helped him was to grow in confidence. Even through difficult times and being disciplined, he knew we loved him and wanted the best for him. Because they all felt loved and knew we wanted to see them succeed, they learned they could trust us. Each of them grew to trust our input, which promoted healthy conversations. They had confidence in coming to us. Regularly having like-minded people in our house promoted opportunities for each of our kids to build relationships with these friends and grow in confidence conversing with adults. Opening our home and showing hospitality has been a huge part of our identity. Simply by living out our identity by inviting people in our home had a huge impact on molding and shaping our kids!
We are so appreciative of the many suggestions Joey and Carla offered for building a strong family identity in the Mom’s Notes “Building a Healthy Family Identity”. We definitely didn’t do them all. You can’t either. Pick what works for your family. Be consistent. Try not to get discouraged when you aren’t seeing any fruit. Talk to your kids about what they want your identity to be. Listen. Pray. Love one another deeply. Trust there will be sweet fruit to enjoy together!
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourself,
not looking to your own interests but each of you
looking to the interests of the others.”
Philippians 2:3-4
Lois and John Wilkinson are the parents of 3 married children. They have taught GFI parenting classes for many years and live in Bloomfield Hills, MI.
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