Joey & Carla Link
July 16, 2025
For each of your child’s strengths, there is an opposite weakness. Your strong-willed choleric child has the potential to make a great leader someday but at the same time can be bossy, demanding and has the need to control all situations he/she finds himself in. You have to daily remind him that you and your spouse are the boss of the home and can run it quite well without his help or interference. Your laid back, even-keeled Phlegmatic is a born peacemaker but at the same time is lazy and unmotivated and you have to stay on top of him or he won’t get anything done.
A sensitive, task-oriented Melancholy can be judgmental and expect others to stick to his to-do list as well. You have to work with him/her not to be a perfectionist and to learn that in many situations, good is good enough. And your fun-loving Sanguine? They are easily distracted and don’t follow through on what they say they will do.
Even with myself, when I am dealing with one of my persistent weaknesses, I think of what the positive would be and try to work on it. If you procrastinate, and decide to work on that, what exactly are you going to do? But, if you tell yourself you are going to work on something as soon as you know it needs to be done or put it on a to-do list, you have a much greater chance of seeing progress.
I divide my to-do list, deciding what will and can be done before lunch and then again before dinner, working in everything else like taking kids to music lessons as well. I also write a time-limit next to each thing and work on sticking to it. This is how I taught myself not to procrastinate many years ago. It works the same with kids. Talk with them about specific steps to work on building up their strengths and you will see progress too.
We wrote three Mom’s Notes presentations to help you with this, focusing on the major weakness of each temperament. These presentations are called, “Working with Your Child’s Besetting Sin, Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3”. They are on sale this week. (more info below!)
We encourage you to ask God to open your eyes to the traits, both positive and negative that make up all the members of your family. Ask Him to teach you how to train your children in the way they should go, in keeping with their individual gifts and the natural “bent” He gave each of them. Encourage them towards their strengths. Understand it will take time for them to understand their weaknesses are just that, things that make them weak and they need to work on them to turn them into strengths. And please, don’t work on more than one thing, strength/weakness at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself, your spouse or your kids.
When we train our kids in such a way that they find fulfillment in who they were created to be, we have done what God has called us to do as parents with the kids He gives us.
“Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
If you want to learn more about Temperaments and how they affect you, your marriage and your parenting, sign up for our 4 week zoom class this fall! Each week you’ll watch the Temperament teaching, then come to class for more teaching by Joey & Carla, go over the discussion questions and end with a Q&A!
Mom’s Notes on sale this week!
Working with Your Child’s Besetting Sin (3-part series) A “besetting sin” is a sin pattern that can control a person/child to such an extent that it overshadows the good that is in his/her heart. This 3-part series deals with the most common sin pattern inherent in each of the four temperaments.
Part 1 – The Choleric: Training the Angry Child – The besetting sin of a person/child with the Choleric temperament is that he/she uses anger to manipulate and control people.
Part 2 – The Phlegmatic: Dealing with a Child who is Stubborn and Unmotivated – Adults and children who have Phlegmatic as their primary temperament are masters at digging their heels in and waiting you out. To be stubborn just for the sake of it is to refuse to accept another’s: advice, counsel and opinion.
(Part 2) The Sanguine: Working with the Child who Lies – For Sanguines, lying is habitual. They avoid conflict at all cost, and they lie to do so. They also lie to get out of trouble. They respond to your questions with a shrug and “I don’t know”, “I don’t remember” or “Maybe”. These are lies.
Part 3 – The Melancholy: Teaching Your Child to Deal with His Emotions –
The besetting sin of a person with the Melancholy temperament is his/her inability to control his emotions. The problem is that they can allow their emotions to control them to the extent that they are no longer characterized by rational, objective thinking. When an adult/child is focused on how he/she feels about everything, this leads to self-centeredness.
Parenting Made Practical Podcasts
#29 Why Kids Keep Doing the Same Wrong Behavior
Kids often do the same wrong behavior over and over because of their temperament. What are temperaments and how do they influence and impact your kids and parenting?