Kim O’Brien
October 29, 2025
Have you heard the phrase, “Train your kids in times of non-conflict?” First, you should think about what training entails. As Joey & Carla have so often said, it has 3 parts:
1. Give them information
2. Show them how you expect them to use that information
3. Correct them when they don’t and praise them when they do
Parents often deal with their kids’ behaviors haphazardly, taking it as it comes. There is no consistency when you do that, and successful parenting takes consistency, so have a plan. When you take things as they come, you are training in conflict, usually telling them what they did wrong while you are yelling at them. When you have a plan in place, you will be able to train your kids in times of non-conflict.
Have a special time for each child at least 2 times a week to accomplish this. You will always be training your kids in some behavior. During this time talk about what God says about the behavior in question both positively and negatively. Work on memorizing verses, and work on their notebook. More on this later.
Make the time non-negotiable. Make a list of things that you want to cover during this time each day. If you don’t already have a high percentage of your kids coming when you call their name immediately, completely, without challenge and without complaint, start with one of those. Now, PLAN for it to happen. If we fail to plan, we plan to fail.
The Notebook
In Joey and Carla’s Mom’s Notes “Using the Bible in the Instruction and Training of Your Children”, they talk about a parenting notebook. This has been one of my favorite tools in my parenting toolbox. I can’t remember exactly how Joey and Carla used it so I’ll share how I’ve used it and what a blessing it has been for me! Any notebook will do. I have a section for each child. I write down things of praise and concern in the notebook. This allows me to look back and see patterns. It also allows me to look back and see progress, which is so encouraging. We could often feel like we weren’t making progress. It is so encouraging to look back and see notes on areas of concern and then realize it is no longer an issue. Joey and Carla also have said that when you conquer one area, there is often a trickle-down effect. You may notice that when you start to tighten the funnel and reign in all those freedoms/choices they are taking that they haven’t earned the right to do so, that many other areas improved. Likewise, you may notice that when you granted a particular freedom, your child decided to take freedoms in other areas, so you had to remove the freedom you had given him.
One time I noticed that our youngest was rolling her eyes. It wasn’t an all-out eye roll, but it was an eye roll. I had never seen her do that before, so I noted it in the notebook. A few days passed and she did it again. I wrote it in the notebook and was able to refer back to the last time she did it. This time I made notes about when it happened – was an instruction given she didn’t like, was it because her play time was over, was there a conflict, or what exactly was going on. Then it got considerably worse, and I referred back to the notebook and from all my notes realized this was not an attitude issue but something else was going on. It turns out it was a tic. I had made good notes, so I was able to talk with our neurodevelopmentalist about it and give her an accurate timeline of when it started, when it got worse and so on.
I do remember Carla recommends to use the notebook to grade her kids on how they are doing on the behavior they are working on and past behaviors they had gained victory in, meaning they had done the right thing 90% of the time. She let the kids (8 yrs. and up) grade themselves. If they got lower than a B on any behavior, they had to come up with one way they were going to work on it that week.
The bottom line is that the parenting notebook is an amazing tool for your parenting toolbox and one I recommend every parent use.
Don’t forget to pray and ask God for guidance and wisdom. He loves your children more than you. Wrap your head around that!! Seriously, He loves you. He loves your children. Allow Him to be your strength and wisdom.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all
without reproach, and it will be given him.”
James 1:5
Using the Bible in the Instruction and Training of Your Children
Parents can get moral instruction and training into the hearts of their children using the Bible as their main resource. This presentation defines areas parents should train their children in before they leave home for the adult world and how to use a notebook to help with it.
Use code NOTEBOOK at checkout by 11/2/25 for $1 off the MP3 & PDF
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