Why Do We Lecture Our Kids?

By Joey and Carla Link
May 19, 2021

When parents lecture, they think they are helping their children by reminding them of the training and teaching they have given them. We don’t think there is a parent alive who is going to say lectures get their child to make wise decisions and be responsible. Lecturing is just a polite way of yelling at your kids for not getting something done or for not doing it right. Let’s look at what lectures don’t do.

  • Lectures don’t give kids new information. Truly, all they hear is “blah, blah, blah.”
  • Lectures do not motivate kids to do the right thing. They do however motivate kids to do the wrong thing.
  • Lectures do not encourage kids to succeed. When you keep pointing out the wrong your kids are doing, they don’t think they can do anything right.
  • Lectures do not give kids (especially teens) the freedom to make mistakes they can learn from. When legalistic parents lecture their kids in an attempt to prevent them from doing wrong by continually reminding them of their strict expectations, they are surprised to find their lectures prevent their kids from doing right.

When you lecture, your kids are unengaged because they know nothing is required of them. Kids keep a small sliver in their mind tuned in to what you are saying and let the other part of their mind wander wherever it wants to go. It is depressing to realize your kids don’t have to think hard about what we are saying to keep track of our words and intent, isn’t it? Parents tell us they appreciate our teaching on this topic and many of them asked us to write a book on empowering parents to teach their kids to think for themselves which will stop parent’s need to lecture. So we did! Each chapter in this easy- to-read book is filled with practical examples, illustrations and ways to do what we share to help you stop lecturing and begin getting your kids to think and take responsibility for their own behavior. After “Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think” was published, it was entered in a book contest and we won the Christian Author’s award!
Why not make this book your next reading project? Better yet, think about reading it with your spouse a chapter at a time. Then you can talk about each chapter and decide if the information will work for your family. Another idea would be to get a group of friends together and go through the book. On the Parenting Made Practical website you can download questions for each chapter for group discussion. Lots to think about!
Taming The Lecture Bug Study Questions