Joey and Carla Link
September 25, 2024
One of your kids (hopefully only one!) won’t get it together and keep it together. Every time you instruct him/her to do something, you have a fight on your hands. You are constantly correcting him/her throughout the day, every day with no end in sight.
In Ephesians 6:1, God tells us that “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” God is telling parents their children are to obey them. He doesn’t hope they will or keep His fingers crossed. He expects it and so should you. He also expects you to be the ones to teach and train your kids to obey, including the strong-willed one. And, just in case anyone thinks this is unfair, He tells us this is right. God gave parents the responsibility to teach their kids how to do this.
This is why we spend so much time talking about obedience training and what that looks like. It starts with giving your kids an understanding of what authority is. We encourage you to have teaching times with your kids when you aren’t mad at them.
What is authority?
Authority is not equality. People in positions of authority are not your peers. This is why they have titles such as boss, police officer, teacher, coach, and parent, to name a few. To be an effective parent means your child is not your peer. You can’t treat them as equals and at other times tell them what to do.
Authority requires obedience. It is a non-negotiable. Children (and adults) are to obey those in authority. In every group of people, like a sports team or a family, someone is in charge. In Ephesians 6:1, God says that in families that is to be the parents, ultimately the father as God says that wives are to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Obedience and submission are not the same thing. You obey because you have to, which is what makes it non-negotiable. You submit because you think it is the right thing to do. Nobody makes you submit; you do it because you want to.
Authority needs to be balanced. Balanced authority does not frustrate or exasperate those under it (Ephesians 6:2). This means parents should not ask their kids to do something if they don’t have a choice whether they do it or not. Asking kids to do a task or chore is giving them the opportunity to say “no”. When you tell them what their instruction is, you are not leaving room for discussion.
Authority teaches. Teachers help their students understand the “why” and “how” of the topic at hand (age-appropriate). Toddlers don’t understand why they have to say “please” when they want something because they don’t know what being polite means, yet they can still be taught to say (or sign) it. An older child will comprehend why you need to be polite and that saying “please” is how you can be polite.
Authority trains. When you train, you teach, but you also guide and direct those under you, using discipline when necessary. Painful discipline motivates a child to use the teaching you have given him/her wisely.
Authority loves. Loving authority is not demanding or legalistic. While it will require giving correction to those under them, this authority is respected and loved in return. Kids trust their parents when they are balanced teachers who train in love.
Your angry Choleric child isn’t going to like learning about authority, but it is necessary because he/she will be under authority their entire lives. Authority rips their need to be in control out from under them, but they must learn to submit to it and you get to start that process with obedience training.
Is it going to be fun? No. They will fight you every step of the way. If you don’t do it, who will? Take a deep breath and press on, remembering you are in control, not your child.
“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
Colossians 3:20 (ESV)
Want to learn more? Check out our Mom’s Notes Presentations on Temperaments below:
Working With Your Child’s Besetting Sin Series
Learning to Deal with Anger
Learning to Deal with Stubbornness and a Lack of Initiative
Learning to Deal with a Child That Lies
Part 3
Teaching Your Child to Deal with His/Her Emotions
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