What’s the Difference Between Praising Your Kids or Encouraging Them?

Joey and Carla Link

October 23, 2024

Correction does much, but encouragement does more.

Encouragement after censure is as the sun after a shower.”

– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘encourage’ as “to inspire with courage, to hearten, cheer on or up.”  When our children felt that there was nothing they could do right (don’t we all feel this way at some point?) we needed to, at that moment inspire them with courage. 

Courage is “that quality of mind that enables one 

to meet difficulty or danger with firmness and valor.”

When you praise your child, you are showing him honor and your approval for something he did. When you encourage your child, you are giving him courage to do something he needs to do, and you cheer him on towards the goal. To encourage someone is to give him hope. Praise is for an accomplishment. Encouragement is to be given along the way.

Perhaps parents should start to think in terms of inspiring their children to face difficulty with a mindset of firmness and valor. “Valor” means “to have great courage in the face of danger.” 

The most interesting definition is “danger”. The dictionary gives 3 meanings for “danger”: 

the possibility of suffering harm or injury”, “a person or thing that is likely to cause harm or injury”, and “the possibility of something unwelcome or unpleasant”.

How can you do that?  

1.     Parents need to be willing to step in and help their children gain victory.  This can be done through encouraging words, a willing hand offering assistance, by backing off on demands, giving them time to regroup, and so forth.  More often than not, parents push because they lose sight of the big picture.

2.     Parents should allow their kids to surrender with dignity. Too often, we beat them over the head with criticism about what they did wrong. Parents act as the victors which only makes their children feel defeated and unable to do anything right. There is a difference between being humbled by the truth of God’s Word and being humiliated by your parents harsh and demeaning words.

3.     Parents should work on things at a pace their children can deal with. You don’t want to overwhelm and discourage them. If you have a child you have caught lying several times, you will want to have a plan to teach them honesty and truthfulness. Having one training time with them, or worse yet, giving them a lecture is not teaching them to be truthful. We set apart one hour per week per child to work on teaching them God’s way is the only right way. We worked on one character trait a month.

I was in the basement doing laundry once, muttering to myself about my children’s lack of initiative when Michael approached me. Trying to comfort me, he started the conversation by saying, “Those girls, they really need to pull it together.”  I lashed out at him for even hinting that he might not be part of the problem. He asked me where I thought he needed to improve on his effort when doing chores and other tasks.  I immediately gave him two areas.  He quietly responded, “So, just those two areasI can work on that.”  I was immediately humbled by his remark.  He was 17 years old and I could only think of two other areas that needed improvement?!  I was ashamed of myself for my outburst, and apologized to him.  He reminded me that the girls were far ahead of him when he was the same age as they were at that time, and I just needed to continue to work with them as I did with him.  I was greatly encouraged by his words, and went to find the girls to encourage them too.

4. Parents should be specific in their encouragement.  It is helpful to remember that encouragement doesn’t have to be words of praise.  It can be a gesture of affection, the willingness to help them get over the hump when they are doing a project, the gift of your time when they need to talk and so forth.

The Burlington High School Marching Band was selected to represent the state of Iowa in the National 4th of July Parade in Washington D.C. the summer before Michael’s senior year of high school.  We arranged our summer ministry travels to be able to join the band so Michael could participate with them.  We were asked to march with the band as chaperones.  This meant that our girls would be marching alongside too.  The school purchased a new banner for this parade.  As we were lining up to march, the band director realized that he had neglected to take the banner out of the box before the buses left, and asked if Briana could carry the box along the parade route.  The box was about 4 ½ ft long and 1 ft in diameter.  The heat index was about 115 degrees.  It was hot and as we were the forty-eighth band to march, we had been sitting in the hot sun for almost three hours just waiting for our turn to line up.  After the parade, we told Briana (who was 12 at the time) that we wanted to get her ice cream, and asked her if she knew why.  She responded, “Because it is hot?”  We told her how proud we were of her that she carried that box the entire route without complaining, whining, or whimpering, and never let it touch the ground.  We wanted to encourage her for her good effort and attitude.

What did you do to encourage your children today?

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

I Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)

Encourage your kids by asking them to do what they should be able to accomplish. From preschool – college years, in “What Every Child Should Know Along the Way” you will find what most kids a certain age can do and how. This is an excellent book well worth your time and attention! On sale for $8.95


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