Joey & Carla Link
April 29, 2026
When our girls were in their teen years, they had to come up with a schedule for morning bathroom time. The problem was our oldest daughter had a bad habit of oversleeping and not getting into the bathroom on time, but she stayed in for the amount of time she thought she needed which bled into her sister’s time, who was then late getting her day started.
Daughter #1 didn’t get why Daughter #2 didn’t respect she needed the amount of time she signed up for and Daughter #2 didn’t get why Daughter #1 didn’t get up on time to allow herself enough time in the bathroom so Daughter #2 wouldn’t be late for school, especially when Daughter #1 was the one who set the bathroom times to begin with. Did you catch all that?!
I would deal with Daughter #1 first, then go in to talk to Daughter #2 because understandably, her attitude quickly went on a downhill slide as she was trying to get time in the bathroom. I told her that even when someone was not kind to us or didn’t treat us like we mattered, we still have to be kind in the way we treated them. I went on to tell her that none of us were great at doing this, but we had to keep trying, and in this case, it was to seek God’s pleasure, not be upset with her sister. In Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) it says,
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
I asked her if it said, “Be kind to one another…as God in Christ forgave you, unless your sister is being selfish and unreasonable, then you are off the hook.” The way I read it, there are no exceptions. In answering her questions, I told her when we think of “good, better, and best”, when dealing with unreasonable people, finding just a “good” way to respond in kindness would do. By saying this, I was letting her know I understood how badly her sister had continued to hurt her by continually refusing to get out of the bathroom on time.
Back to Daughter #1. When one of our kids/teens was being selfish, we would privately ask him/her “Who are you thinking of right now?” They would say themselves. When we asked them who they should be thinking of right then and they would respond it was the one they were arguing with or being unkind to. We asked this child/teen if he/she was ready to make that right which was to apologize using the repentance, forgiveness and restoration process we often talk about in blogs. If the reply was “No”, he/she was told to go sit on his bed until he was. While he is sitting, encourage him to think of one way he can show this person he is willing to put their needs above his own.
If you are consistent with quick intervention when you can tell one of your kids is have a “me, me, me” day, you will find they will just as quickly hop to it and start showing kindness to each other.
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought,
but rather, think of yourself with sober judgment.”
Romans 12:3
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Parenting Made Practical Podcasts
#82 Teaching Kids to Make Kindness a Habit
Kindness can be abstract to kids, but if they don’t learn to be kind, kids become self-centered, arrogant, and selfish. This podcast talks about how to teach your kids to make kindness a habit without you having to remind them to be kind.
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