Joey & Carla Link
September 16, 2026
How long does it take kids to change their behavior? Parents can work on correcting young children’s behavior, but as they grow and mature, typically by fourth grade, they are beginning to take ownership to think and make decisions for themselves. They start to believe they should be able to do what they want and to make their own decisions.
But what happens when you want them to change their behavior? How long does it take for them to:
- Accept that you are right and that they need to change?
- Begin working on changing that behavior?
- Reach the point where the change becomes life-changing?
A good example is teaching young children to say “please” and “thank you.” You work with them daily and eventually decide it’s time to stop reminding them, so you don’t give them the cookie they ask for at snack time because they didn’t say please. After doing this for two or three days, a four-year-old will remember to start saying “please” and “thank you.”
But as children get older, they may begin to forget these magic words because they still need to understand why it is important to say “please” and “thank you.”
So, you start teaching them again. You show them the difference between telling someone to do something and asking them to do it. Then, afterward, you thank them for completing the task. Your children begin to understand, but the lesson still hasn’t become a habit or a conviction in their hearts.
We saw this process play out with our kids many times. It took consistent effort on our part to remind them and teach them over the course of several months before the lesson finally took root. Then, all of a sudden, we realized we didn’t have to remind them anymore. We didn’t have to ask them why it was important to say thank you when we did something extra special for them. It was stunning to realize they were saying “thank you” on their own because they understood why it was important to say it.
This is where parents can help seal the teaching. Take your children out to lunch, and as you walk into the restaurant, hold the door open for them. Listen as they say, “Thank you.” After you order and sit down to eat, tell them how many months you have been working on teaching and training them to say “please” and “thank you.”
Then, point out how they thanked you when you held the door open for them as you entered the restaurant. Tell them how proud you are that they have finally taken hold of and owned this character issue, one that will help them for years to come.
Then, you can ask the next question:
“What other things do you think you need to work on? Things you are still making me remind you about, that you should be taking ownership of yourself?”
After each child shares, ask them what steps they need to take to work on those character issues. This is a great time to ask them if they have any questions or need clarification on what they should be doing.
Training a child does not happen in one or two days, and usually not even in one or two months. For a child to truly own a behavior, the key is for them to choose to take ownership of it and make it part of their lives. That is how they develop the conviction that this is what they believe they need to do.
Don’t get frustrated if training your child takes a long time. Instead, be grateful that you have 18 years to work on training them in the way they need to go. Be diligent and consistent, and look for progress in your children to encourage both you and them!
“Whoever scorns instruction will pay for it,
but whoever respects a command is rewarded. The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.”
Proverbs 13:13-14
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Parenting Made Practical Podcast
What Can Change My Kid’s Behavior
Your kids want to blame someone or something for their bad behavior. Learn how to teach them to take ownership of their behavior themselves.
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