Joey & Carla Link
May 6, 2026
When Carla and I are teaching at parenting conferences, there are times we talk about
interdependent and dependent families, something we first learned in the Growing Kids God’s Way parenting class. Visualize the members of your family standing in a circle, holding hands with their backs to the inside of the circle. This is your independent family. Everyone’s focus is where their interests lie, not with each other.
Imagine everyone in your family standing in a circle again, still holding hands but facing inward. This is what an interdependent family looks like. Everyone is focused on the needs of the family as a whole. The members of an interdependent family support each other, and make each other a priority. They realize no matter what, you have their backs and they will have yours.
How do you build an interdependent family? It is called “Family Identity”. You don’t often hear “identity” used in this context. You are probably more familiar with words such as “family unity”, or “strong family”, but in this context we want you to think of “identity”, as in “family identity”.
What do we mean by “identity”? An online dictionary says that it means “the unique set of characteristics that can be used to identify a person or group as themselves and no one else.” Think of the things that make your family uniquely special, like everyone in the family being characterized by being compassionate towards others.
Take family trips and plan activities where you build good memories that will help your kids withstand the worst of times.
Both you and your kids alike will sacrifice things that will come up to have nights of playing games or making ice cream, going for a bike ride as a family, or for a walk. It is not any one of these types of things that identify you as a family. It is that which is developed between you as you do them. Unlike sitting on the couch and playing computer games, these activities promote talking to each other and you can learn to have conversations where you can disagree yet stay centered on the Biblical principles that guide your family.
Talk around the dinner table instead of shoveling food down and running to do your own thing. Joey would often start the conversation by asking everyone to share the best thing that happened to them that day. As a family, decide on a character quality like compassion and come up with one way each month the next 3-4 months you will work on it, both individually and collectively. Talk about how each family member is doing well with using the character value you picked. By the end of 3 months, it should become a habit for all.
When parents are busy with their own activities, kids will find things to do without you. They don’t care if their friends have the same values and standards you have trained them in. If someone shows interest in them and is nice to them, that qualifies them as a good friend, regardless what their personal beliefs are. Parenting is a season of your life. When your kids are adults, you will crave time with them, so spend it with them now to build a trusting relationship that will stand the test of time.
I (Joey) learned to play Frisbee golf when our son was a teenager because it was something he enjoyed doing. Although Carla would have preferred to scrapbook by herself, she invited both our daughters to scrapbook with her and encouraged them in their efforts. We found ways to do what our kids enjoyed doing and now we do the same with our grandkids.
As parents, we have committed many sins that have offended our kids over the years. But we have found, aside from going through the Repentance, Forgiveness and Restoration process with them, the one antidote that can cover a multitude of parental sins and mistakes is to build a strong family identity with them.
”So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.
Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly,
but understand what the Lord wants you to do.”
Ephesians 5:15-17 (NLT)
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| Building Family Identity – In the Growing Kids God’s Way parenting class, we learned that “peer pressure is only as strong as family identity is weak.” Building a positive family identity takes time and effort. Your kids’ friends are wonderful for them, yet rarely will they still be friends with most of them in 10 years. Yet, their family will be with them their entire lives, so it will benefit them to have common goals and strong relationships with each other now. Practical ways to develop identity as a family are given in this Mom’s Notes. MP3PDF Use code MAY10 at checkout by 5/10/26 for $1 off each MP3 and PDF |
Parenting Made Practical Podcasts
10 Family Relationship Builders
Kids can grow distant and independent from their family aligning more with friends and technology than Mom and Dad or siblings. Learn how to change this trend and how to strengthen your family identity and unity.
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